Learning to Breathe
by Flexis
Summary: AUangsty. Mulder and Scully are much like strangers now. It only took a moment to change everything that they were. Completed so please read and review now b4 it disappears :)


Her chin trembled as she fought to keep the tears and anger inside.

"Bastard," she whispered, stepping away from him.

Mulder flinched at the harshness behind that one word. He could say nothing. He felt nothing. He just stood there, waiting for the moment to pass.

She became numb from the tirade of emotions that had started at her heart and had spread to her gut. She felt the nausea threaten to take over and when his eyes raised to meet hers, she turned quickly and ran to the toilet, heaving everything that was inside of her.

Mulder started to go after her out of habit, but stopped near the doorway. She looked up to see him standing there and for a moment their eyes connected. She could see him…really see him. But then he was gone. He turned and walked away.

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(Two months later)

Scully sighed and took another bite of her sandwich that her mother had made for her. Maggie Scully sat on the other end of the couch, her motherly eyes commanding every bite that Scully took.

Scully looked at her mother, with a 'what now?' expression and set her half eaten sandwich back on the coffee table.

"How are you Dana?" she asked, leaning forward a little.

Scully shrugged and folded her legs underneath her.

"I'm fine Mom, really. Stop worrying about me," Scully protested, knowing her protests were in vain. Her mother had been almost as upset about the news Mulder brought one rainy night as she had been.

Scully's mind drifted back to that night. She had heard a knock on the door and she opened it to face a drenched Mulder. She could tell immediately that something was wrong by the way his eyes hid something behind them. It was like she was looking at him but he wasn't quit looking back. She had led him into the living room and he had ripped her whole world in two. He told her that Agent Fowley had come to him that evening with some news. She was pregnant and he was the father.

She remembered feeling panicked, then jealous, then angry, and then completely lost. She knew the Mulder she knew before would never be back to her again. He would have something she could never give him. It was the end of their path. Now Scully was lost and had no idea which way was home. She did the only thing she knew how to and walked away from everything that they were and everything that she knew as her life up until now.

"It's getting late, Mom, I think I am going to head home now," Scully softly said, rising from her seat.

"Okay honey," Maggie murmured.

On the way back to her apartment her cell phone rang. She fumbled around her jacket pocket until she found it.

"Scully," she said, balancing the phone between her ear and shoulder.

"Agent Scully, it's Agent Collins," her new partner said.

"Hey Collins, you caught me in my car, can I call you back when I get to my home?" she asked, squinting as a car passed her by.

"Yeah, no problem. Just don't forget this time," he chuckled.

She smiled and replied, "I wont."

She hung up and pulled up to her apartment complex. She idly wondered what Collins was calling about as she rummaged through her purse for her apartment key.

She had been assigned a new partner that was located in a completely different side of the building than Mulder. She was wary at first of having a new partner to get used to but she really warmed up to Agent Collins quickly. He was about her age and they both shared many of the same views and beliefs when it came to each case they worked on together. He was laid back and very attractive. Scully found it very easy to talk to him.

She picked up her phone as soon as she was in the door and called Collins. They talked for a good thirty minutes about the case they were working on.

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(ten months later)

She breathed in the dreamy scent as she slid further into the warm bath water. Her muscles relaxed and her headache seemed to let up.

It had been a long, hard day. Collins had found a case that had touched too close to an X file she had once worked on with Mulder. Then again, everything seemed to touch too close to something involving Mulder.

She heard the phone ring but was too relaxed to get up and answer it. She had no desire to leave the warmth that seemed to seep into her very soul. It was the best that she has felt in months.

Her answering machine sounded a beep and then she heard the click of someone hanging up. She figured it was her mother, checking to see if she was home.

The phone rang again.

Her mind ran through the possibilities of who was calling again. She got over her laziness due to a mixture of worry and curiosity and bolted dripping wet to the phone.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Hi honey," Maggie said.

"Oh, hey mom," she replied, rolling her eyes at the puddle that was collecting at her bare feet.

"I just wanted to touch base with you. You know, make sure you were doing well," Maggie explained. Scully could hear the banging of dishes in the background and could picture her mother bustling around the kitchen, phone cradled on her shoulder.

"I'm doing fine Mom, I was actually about to step into the shower," Scully told her, starting to shiver.

"Oh, Okay then. I wont keep you. Goodbye dear," she said.

"Bye Mom…oh wait, did you call before?" Scully remembered.

"Yes, a few hours ago. I'll talk to you later, enjoy your shower."

"Okay, bye."

Scully walked back to her bath and the phone rang again right as she put her foot in. She groaned and walked back to the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey you."

"Hey Collins, I just got into the shower and I'm dripping wet, can I call you back?" she asked, jogging in place to keep warm.

"Hmmm, is that so?" he asked teasingly.

She snorted her response and new he was waggling his eyebrows in that annoyingly funny way he always does.

"Well, the reason I called was to ask if you could meet me at that coffee place so we can go over my findings and yours," he explained.

"Yeah, that would be fine. Give me 45 minutes?" she asked, looking longingly towards her bathtub.

"Sure. See ya."

Just as she was about to hang up there was a beep indicating there was another call coming through. She mumbled something about never catching a break and answered sharply, "Hello?"

It was silent.

"Hello?" she tried again, beginning to loose her patience.

"Scully."

Her heart seemed to thump to a stop. It was Mulder. He sounded awful. Immediately her mind went into overdrive out of habit. She went through all of these awful scenarios in her mind and worry filled her soul. Then she caught herself. He wasn't her concern anymore.

"Mulder…" she said back, her tone even.

It was silent again. She heard his breathing. It was unsteady and shaking. Something was very wrong with him.

"Mulder…what?" she asked, her tone a little softer.

"She's dead," he said, his voice hoarse.

Scully's eyes widened in alarm.

"Who's dead Mulder?" she asked, her heart hammering in her chest.

"Diana," he replied.

Oh God.

"Where's the baby?" she asked finally.

"With me. I…she…I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I.." he sounded panicked.

"I'll be over there soon," she said softly into the phone. She didn't wait for a reply and hung up.

She quickly pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweater and made her way to Mulder's. It felt strange yet so familiar to be driving these streets to his home. Her heart panged when she realized how much she had missed him.

She didn't even remember getting out of the car once she reached his door and raised her hand to knock on the door. She could hear his baby wailing inside and she felt her chest tighten as the screams got louder.

He opened the door and Scully almost jumped back when she looked up at him. She hadn't seen him in so long. His eyes had bags under them. He looked so tired and…defeated. She tore her eyes away from his and looked at the squirming bundle in his arms.

She held out her arms and gently took the baby from Mulder. He backed into his apartment to make room for her to enter.

The baby immediately calmed down in Scully's arms and she tried to nestle her face into Scully's breast.

"She's hungry," she told Mulder, her voice sounding strained and unlike her.

"She breastfed her," he said, staring at the baby.

"Mulder?" Scully said.

He continued to look at the baby.

"Mulder…how long ago did Diana die?" she asked.

He looked up at her and his face crumpled and tears began to fall. Her heart ached and she fought back her own tears.

"I..we…just got back from the hospital. She was driving and we hit a slick spot. Ran right into a tree. So much blood," he managed to get out.

"They sent you home?" she asked, her brow creasing.

"I called Skinner. He came and got me. He's back at the hospital now, taking care of things," he mumbled.

Scully looked down at the baby, who was trying desperately to find a nipple.

"What's her name?" Scully asked.

They both paused and reflected that Scully actually did not know the name of Mulder's child. They both realized how changed everything was between them. How they had gone from being so close to being almost strangers.

"Kirsten," he replied.

"Kirsten…that's a pretty name," she said, stroking the baby's head.

"She didn't get my nose," Mulder said, attempting a weak smile.

Scully almost smiled but it didn't quite make it to her face. She told Mulder to sit down and she ran over everything that might be useful concerning raising a baby. He listened attentively to her Dr. Scully voice that was so familiar to him.

Her heart honestly went out to Mulder. She realized as she told him all of these general things that mostly only mothers new, that he was so alone now and so completely not made to do this on his own.

He knew it too. And that was why he called her.

"Scully…" he said.

"Yes?"

"I'm thinking of giving her up for adoption," his voice sounding so strained.

Scully opened her mouth to protest but then closed it. She knew Mulder couldn't handle this alone. Not the way that he lived.

Her cell rang, causing both Scully and Mulder to jump.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Ah, I'm sorry. An emergency came up and it completely left my mind to call you."

"Yes, I'm fine. We'll go over it tomorrow. I'll come in early."

"Yeah, okay. Bye."

She hung up and looked at Mulder. He had that look on his face when he was studying her behavior. When he was profiling.

"Was that your mother?" he asked.

She looked down at the baby.

"No…It was my partner," she said.

"Oh…"

"Um…I should probably go meet him really quick to give him something he needs. While I'm out, I'm going to get the things you'll need for Kirsten. I'll be back soon," she told him, handing Kirsten to him.

Their arms brushed together as she gave his daughter to him. She felt the familiar urge to pull him into her arms, but resisted and walked out the door.

Mulder looked down at the little face staring back up at him. Her face bunched up and tears wet her face. He bit his lip and his tears fell and mixed with hers.

He felt a swell of emotions when Scully walked back through the door, grocery bags in both hands. The swell died as soon as he saw a man walk behind her, carrying a few bags as well.

"Fox Mulder, this is Greg Collins…my partner," Scully introduced.

Collins nodded his hello as he followed Scully into the kitchen. Mulder remained silent, watching the two agents interact. He could sense that they were closer than strictly partners but he couldn't tell how much closer.

"Scully, I'm going to split. I'll see you tomorrow," he said softly but Mulder still heard him.

"Okay, thanks," she replied, squeezing his arm.

"Nice meeting you Agent Mulder," Collins said as he left the apartment.

Scully prepared a bottle and brought it over to Mulder. He started to hand Kirsten to her but she shook her head and handed him the bottle. He looked into her eyes as he took it from her hand. He saw the concern in her blue eyes. He had forgotten the color of blue her eyes were. It had been so long. He had tried for too long to push her out of his mind.

He tilted the bottle and watched Kirsten hungrily suck, her mouth making tiny noises. They both watched for a long time as the baby's face relaxed and her eyes drooped with every intake of the bottle nipple.

"You all set?" Scully asked, looking up at him.

"Yeah, and…" he didn't finish what he was saying because they still had that connection. The one where no words passed but every thought and emotion was completely evident to them both.

She nodded and placed a kiss on his forehead and once again…walked away.

The End b/c I don't know where else to go with this J


End file.
